Turn on all women with VPXL wesi

As you can imagine, I was excited to receive this email, which had such a generous promise as its subject, from "Janie Beaver" today. I'm not in the business of turning on women, but insofar as I am a part of womankind, I'm grateful to know that there are things that bind us all together, such as universal turn-ons.

In the spirit of building a community around the aphrodisiac "VPXL wesi," Janie had included five other email addresses in the "to" line of the email--I assume, just in case we wanted to contact each other and discuss the sex appeal of said "wesi."

At least it wasn't an ad for cheap Viagra, enlarging my penis, or most bizarrely, replica watches, none of which I'm currently interested in.

What could it be? I wondered. A great sense of humor? Being considerate? James Spader in "Dreamlover"? Maybe it will be something I hadn't thought of as "sexy" before, like instant oatmeal, or a tracheotomy, or being stuck on a Ferris Wheel in high winds.

It was none of these things. (Thank god it wasn't that last one.)

In fact, the email seemed to favor a scattershot approach to appealing to all women. It announced "Bigger p e n i s, better s e x!" then followed with a link to funladiesnow (which makes the email inclusive of lesbians and thus cannot be dismissed), and finally ended with this:

olaf dearie opec agee.
biotic !!! oliver.

Somewhere in there, my lady friends, is the key to your wildest fantasies.

Good luck, men.