Every Breath You Take (I've Been Watching You)

I am cyber-stalking you, and I know all your secrets.

(Unless you’re someone I’ve never met, in which case, welcome to my blog.)

I found your secret other family in Nashua, and photos of that time you sacrificed 14 Guatemalan children to the Incan sun god, for instance.

Wait to hear from me, re: instructions for bribe drop-off.

But seriously, I did a bunch of practice runs for internet research I plan on attempting, a few weeks ago. First I looked up those of you I know by sight online, but that was too easy; I moved on to people I didn’t know as well, and though it was indeed more difficult and thus theoretically more helpful, the whole process of stalking-people-for-practice left me feeling embarrassed—so much so that I didn’t tell anyone that I had done it. (Until now.)

It has occurred to me recently that though “practice stalking” is a worthless and dorky activity, enlisting help in finding the actual information that I want, may not be. So I’m going to tell you what I’m looking for, and if you have interest in solving my mystery, you can help directly instead of being the unwitting victims of my research. (Except for the ones with the secret family and the Guatemalan sacrifices. You still owe me hush money.)

Like everyone, I have a father. Like many people, I don’t know much of anything about him; I last saw him twenty years ago, in Baltimore, in one of two lifetime visits, where I also met my paternal grandmother (didn’t like her much) and great-grandmother (loved her—lots of cats, and the same birthday as me…but she was 78 at the time, so is probably not still living).

My father, whose name is Thomas W. Magaha (I think his middle name might be “Wilton”), married another woman and had two other daughters after me, named Deana and Rachel. (I can’t guarantee the spelling of “Deana.”) I don’t know the name of the woman he married—he was never married to my mom, and my last name is her maiden name, which I’ve always thought was a nice little matriarchal twist. There’s no telling whether his ex-wife would have taken his last name or not, or whether they were even ever officially married. The only thing I know about my father is that he chewed tobacco, though what good this information will do or whether it’s even still accurate or not, I can’t guess.

I would like to know something about these people, but without necessarily contacting them.

If you come up with anything, let me know.