The man stressed that he had been pushed to say what he said, but that he had not gone as far as the other "guests," who he implied were also actors. He claimed that he himself was an actor, although The Tyra Banks Show representatives claimed otherwise. It's more difficult to decide who's telling the truth here than it seems, since an out-of-work actor may think of himself as an artist--while most of us think of him as a waiter. (See Mamet's Edmond for further, gruesome and troubling elaboration.)
My money is on the local man, not because I think he's more honest, but because I just don't want to find myself on the Tyra Banks Show bandwagon.
Tyra Banks, who was nominated for a daytime Emmy, spends almost her entire show making her guests cry and then turning the conversation to herself. You can see this tendency in her other show, America's Next Top Model, which is onto its tenth cycle, where she and two or three other judges sit in...well, judgement, over the young women hoping desperately to win a chance to model. She wheedles her way under the tough exteriors of these girls, many of whom have experienced some hidden trauma and are heart-breakingly ready to confess it all; congratulating them for having finally become better, more self-aware people; and then dumping their asses. Top Model requires contestants to be both vulnerable--to the photographer and the creative director's suggestions, as well as the suggestions of the judges--and "fierce," meaning impervious to criticism and willing to stab each other in the back when necessary.
But we accept that on Top Model because, hey--that's modeling, right? It's reality TV, and that's the reality of the industry. Her ability to smell blood in the water is Tyra's greatest talent on this show; she is able to exploit any vulnerability the girls might exhibit, and crack them. She is able to prove to viewers that potential-model-X needs to go home, for some particular reason, which is quite a feat for a show based in an industry that relies so heavily on split-second impressions. Tyra makes us feel, as much as we can feel, that the show might be an actual contest rather than a farce with a foregone conclusion. She gives us a plot.
But the same quality of being able to bring women to tearful confession on Top Model somehow becomes a liability on The Tyra Banks Show; she cannot "cut" guests from her show following their dramatic revelations. She has to talk to them. And this is where disaster sets in.
Tyra seems to have little sense of proportion, and often compares the struggles of her guests with her own personal experiences. This type of empathizing makes her good at "girlfriend" chatting--though the segments in which she sits with her personal girlfriends and dishes about skin care are awfully self-congratulatory--but terrible at trauma. If you had run over and killed your two-year-old grandson because he was kneeling behind the car as you shifted into reverse, which of Tyra Banks' stories could possibly help? The one about when she felt fat? The one about when she broke up with her boyfriend because he was mean? (Or even abusive?) The answer is that none will help, because Tyra is not the point, and by telling her story, she is acting as though she is. Equally useless are the questions in this type of situation: How do you feel about running over your grandson? Do you feel guilty? Why do you feel guilty? And so they continue, circling the guest's pain like a buzzard, but always unable to strike.
I should mention that there was one time I saw Tyra do something remarkable on her show: She stopped a confession. The topic was trashy, almost Maury-esque--lovers who cheated and wanted to come clean to their partners (on national television)--and I'd like to believe that it had already been making Tyra and her crew a little queasy. Tyra spoke at length with the cheater, discussing what effect this confession would have on the marriage and the spouse, and reacted to what she heard. She stopped the cheater from devastating the spouse (on national television) and suggesting that they go to actual marriage counseling instead--the spouse was spared!
Until, of course, the show aired, at which point the spouse almost certainly found out anyway, and Tyra received viewer accolades for her self-sacrifice in letting the spouse grieve in private.
I admit that I've seen only a few patches of the show, and on only one occasion (Aug. 9, 2006) did I watch the majority of the hour-long program. Unlike every other time I flipped past Tyra (or found my housemate watching in rapt attention), the hostess was not gouging into the personal horrors of one guest or another; she was spending a significant amount of time doing what she does best, which is giving advice to women about womanly things. (And not making them cry.)
She stood in the center of her stage and announced that she would tell us all the secret of bra sizes. I was as eager to know this information as I would be to know all the varieties of North American garter snakes, so I leaned forward in my chair in anticipation.
Here's what she (and the show's web archive) had to say:
- Band Size: place your measuring tape just below your breasts and around your body. Once you have determined that measurement, add five to that number. If you get an odd number, round up. That new total represents your band size.
- Cup Size: place the measure tape across the fullest part of your bust and around your body. Don’t pull the tape tight, leave it a little loose across your breasts. Subtract this number from the Band Size figure. The difference determines your cup size as follows: Less than 1 inch = AA, 1" = A, 2" = B, 3" = C, 4" = D, 5" = E or DD, 6" = F or DDD, etc.
Interesting information, right? (Except for the spelling and grammatical errors, which are irritating.)
Tyra explained this, and then she demonstrated.
"I'm a D," she said, brightly but confidentially, as if we didn't know this already. (As if we didn't know this.)
I sat back in my chair.
Well, I thought. At least now I know we have nothing in common at all.
Post-script: Women everywhere have written in to Tyra asking for more information, or clarification on the measurement rules, but so far, the show has not responded. Eventually, representative of Just My Size seemed to take on some of the women's questions with product ads.
Luckily, I am one of the 20% of women who wear the correct bra size.
Or so I suppose.
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