Well, dear readers, as you almost certainly know, some ancient Miss-Manners-type long ago prescribed gift types for each yearly anniversary a couple would celebrate: the first year should be celebrated with a gift of paper; the second, cotton; third, leather; fourth, flowers; fifth, wood, and so on, until the 25th anniversary (silver) and the 50th (gold), which are much more well-known.
You may ask yourself what use these lists are, particularly if you are a creative gift-giver or a woman. (These types of people, gift-givers and women, generally believe presents should reflect the desires and needs of the gift receiver rather than the successful rote memorization of a yearly gift-type prescription...though in some cases, just remembering the anniversary might be gift enough.)
But fie on you! Have you no sense of tradition?
Instead of nay-saying the gifting requirements of each year together, I suggest we take this idea and run with it. We need monthly anniversary gifting requirements, particularly for the first year.
It seems almost painfully obvious to me that these gifts should be candy.
So here are the requisite gifts for monthly anniversaries. No cheating and getting a kind of candy your loved one likes. This is tradition in the making, and should be adhered to exactly.
One month: Gummy bears
Two months: Twizzlers (red)
Three months: Smarties
Four months: Peppermint patties
Five months: Sprees
Six months: Caramels
Seven months: Gobstoppers
Eight months: Jelly beans (if seasonally unavailable, Red Vines)
Nine months: Swedish fish
Ten months: Butterscotch
Eleven months: Malted milk balls (Malteasers/Whoppers)
One year: Paper
Note: After one year, monthly anniversaries may continue to be celebrated, keeping in mind the principle of increasingly serious candy types -- i.e. Turtles or Godiva chocolate for years 2-3 -- and methods of gifting. For instance, a person dressed in some kind of costume (i.e. rabbit) delivering a singing telegram (i.e. "Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head") along with a box of heart-shaped chocolates (i.e. Russel-Stover-quality or above) may be appropriate between the sixteenth and seventeenth anniversaries, but not between the sixth and seventh.
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2 comments:
Monthly anniversary candy sounds like a good idea, but you forgot to factor in the required holiday candy. With Valentine's Day, Easter, Halloween and Christmas, that's a lot of candy, my friend. After a year, you wouldn't be able to walk away from the relationship because you literally wouldn't be able to walk away...Maybe monthly anniversary fruit and veggies would be a better idea. Nothing says "I heart you" more than farm fresh brusselsprouts.
Fie on you, villanellegirl! This is a tradition! Why do you hate tradition??? Though I think, sometime during year five, you may be allowed to bestow brusselsprout shaped candy.
I wish that I had received more leather for my 3-year anniversary. That would have been really fun. Not like the stupid paper anniversary. Unless I got, like, elaborate origami constructions from all the celebrants.
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