Sunday, March 15, 2009

MFHTDWF #3

Principle: Don’t wear sweatpants. Ever. Also don’t wear track suits, unless you’re a black man.

The paparazzi will find you and photograph your most unflattering features in unflattering angles if you choose to wear unflattering attire. In fact, you should probably avoid wearing anything you could purchase at a K-mart.

Examples of famous people who succeed at this principle: Michael Jordan (immune, because he’s a black man), Halle Berry, Merryl Streep

Examples of famous people who follow the principle, but nobody cares: All B though D-list actresses

Examples of famous people who fail at this principle: Britney Spears, Oprah*

*Oprah can never be said to fail at anything related to famous people, as she is the Kali of the famous-people pantheon (if they were all Hindu). However, despite her immunity, it must be noted that she does occasionally wear sweatpants and tracksuits. She should be considered an exception rather than an example.

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