My email is ahead of me.

My emails get written four hours into the future. No matter what I do.

The embarrassing yahoo address I've had since college, which I even more embarrassingly pay for, doesn't have this problem. It also doesn't have advertisements at the top of the inbox, to annoy me anew at every click -- apparently $9.99 per year is all you have to pay for the much less annoying version of yahoomail.

Alas, my more professional, free email address does have sponsored ads at the top of the screen. More importantly, and much-of-the-time more annoyingly, it insists that every email I get has come from four hours in the future -- and that every email I send is also what I will-be-writing rather than what I have written.

I've tried changing the calendar time to reflect the four-hour #$%^-up, but it never works. It always, no matter what I do, changes the time to another more-wrong time, also usually in the future.

You may be doubting me right now -- thinking but Alicia, there's got to be some way to get it right -- but if you are, stop it. There's no way to get it right and there's no explanation for why it insists on being this way.

My only guess at this point is that the 9,999 other people accessing my email like it better on GMT.