Phrases That Never Help: Verbal Flair Edition

The concept of "flair," made familiar to us by Office Space, can be applied to conversations as well as to corporate waitstaff uniforms, to indicate words or phrases that imply a spirited interest in a conversation or person.

Used excessively, verbal flair can parodize the entire statement to which it is attached; it is thus also a useful tool for making a joke. Be careful, however, not to overdo the flair when attempting to be serious. Once a conversation has been over-flaired, it is extremely difficult to convince the other party that you meant whatever you said.

"Verbal flair" will not necessarily hurt a conversation like most phrases that never help; it is, however, by definition, superfluous to the conversation, and thus never truly helps.


"...I always say."

For real: Adding this phrase to the end of a statement that agrees with whatever point the other person has just made shows that you are interested in not only emphasizing your current agreement with said person, but also have always thought likewise.

As a joke: Use this phrase at the end of especially ridiculous or specific statements, as in "Good thing we have a vice president who accidentally shot his friend in the face, I always say," or "Always brush your teeth before heading off to OTB, I always say."


"...I reckon."

For real: You may use this phrase to soften the blow of an oppositional statement, if speaking with someone who may be sensitive to contradiction. The qualification of the phrase combined with its associations with "hillbillies," who are assumed to be less intelligent, will make the person you're contradicting feel superior enough to you to accept what you are saying without argument or offense.

As a joke: You may use this phrase as a joke in two distinct ways. The first, more obvious "beginner's" way, is to say it as though you were a "hick" from Appalachia -- "ah reckin" -- but take care; this joke has been overused and was never that clever to begin with.

For more advanced humorists, the phrase can be added, crisply enunciated, to any statement that couldn't possibly require "reckoning," either because it is an obvious fact or because it cannot be figured -- i.e. "That sky there is blue, I reckon" or "I reckon fourteen planets are enough."


"...by golly."

For real: As with all verbal flair, this phrase adds to the conversation only an invitation for the other person to condescend to you -- not meaning. "By golly," however, may also serve as a reminder to someone with an unpalatable tendency to use harsher or less cultured terms -- replacing "g*ddamn," for instance -- and allowing her to calibrate her language to the appropriate register without needing to initiate a sit-down talk on the issue.

As a joke: This phrase can be used in casual circumstances to mock someone who refuses to use harsher or less cultured terms, such as "g*ddamn."