Holiday hates me

Since nearly the beginning of my blogging, I've been paying sporadic attention to the daily ministrations of one Holiday Mathis, the feel-good astrologer featured in the local paper. For good measure, I read at least four horoscopes every day: Gemini, Virgo, Scorpio and Capricorn. (When Virgo is a particularly bad fit, I often read Leo as well.) I take her horoscopes with a grain of salt -- partly to counteract the saccharine sweetness of her usual predictions for my days.

Lately, though, Holiday has been taking us Virgos to task for a bizarre combination of shortcomings. Last week, she reassured us that just because our timetables were off of everyone else's -- causing us to want to work when everyone else wanted playtime, and vice-versa -- that didn't mean we should give in to the crowd. (Kind of a back-handed compliment, I'd say.)

Today's horoscope betrays more explicit irritation with Virgos:

"Sooner or later," Holiday says, "you're going to come to face to face with the person you've been avoiding. Better to make it happen than to let it happen to you. Arrange a meeting to get this thing settled."

Well, Holiday.

On the other hand, Holiday has been unflaggingly generous to Geminis. She not only forecasts excellent days in which everything goes swimmingly; she compliments their character, reminding them that they are great, creative people who deserve the best.

(Today's Gemini horoscope, for instance, is a few steps down from Holiday's usual rapturous recounting of Gemini fortunes, but still reads "You have an eye to the future, but it doesn't keep you from being in the moment. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you're thinking of the long-term benefits even as you follow a spontaneous impulse.")

My theory: A Virgo, less interested in her than she'd hoped, has just broken up with her; she's using her powers as a syndicated horoscopologist to reprimand him (or her) for the pain s/he's caused.

Either in a fit of self-empowerment (if she herself is a Gemini) or in homage to a fast-and-passionate rebound relationship (her new lover is a Gemini), Holiday rounds out her revenge by willing only greatness on Geminis.

Too bad she had to throw the rest of the Virgos under the wheels in the process.

[Shaking head disapprovingly.]