William J. Vader, II

In anticipation of its arrival, I would like to mention that I have purchased a new laptop, appropriately named William J. Vader II.

It is appropriate that William J. have this name because it's a Toshiba laptop -- the second I've owned -- and is considered the "next generation" compared to my original, 1997 Toshiba laptop, which I purchased used before going to China in 2003.

The original William J. Vader was so-named because it was bought on ebay, from what turned out to be a pawn shop in Texas. The laptop was registered to a man with a name similar to, but not precisely the same as, William J. Vader. The bastardized version stuck.

I know most people don't name their electronics, and as I've already revealed myself as someone who also names her car, I'd like to offer an apologetic on behalf of my naming practices.

In the case of computers, I find it helps to have a name to shout or say in a pleading tone when the blue screen of death appears. (This may eliminate the need to name Macs...which, after all, already have a pretty good name. If it breaks down, "Hey, Mac!" works really well.)

I feel less likely to leave a "William-J.-the-second" behind at a cafe or the library than I might be to leave a "Toshiba-whatever-serial-number-laptop."

I also think it will prove indispensible in the coming A.I. revolution. I'll always have respected computers, in addition to treating them more or less as overlords. It should significantly decrease my chances of laser-eye-induced death, I feel...freeing me to suffer years of silicon-mining slavery, instead.

When William J. II arrives, I'll let you all know. Please welcome him warmly.

(If he senses hostility, you may not fare well in the revolution.)