This is what I will do: When the acceptance packet comes from CGU, I will refuse it.
I will stay in Connecticut until the end of the year. I will spend time with my grandparents and my brother before he goes into the Navy. I will help my mother drive the truck she will rent to South Carolina, to live near him. I will apply to new graduate schools in the fall.
In 2009, I will move to Boston.
I will work in one of the regional non-profits, or adult ed schools that I found while job-hunting last fall. I will live near a dear friend and see her as often as possible. I will be equally close to my grandparents in Connecticut and my brother in Vermont. I will apply to MIT. I will apply to Harvard. I will take Chinese classes and eat Chinese food. I will fail to attend church at least two out of every three weeks. I will complain about traffic and transportation and pollution and litter. I will not be living in New York. I will be miserable, and joyful, and pained, and anxious, and adoring. I will be free. I will be constrained by my choices.
But they will be mine.
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2 comments:
I need this kind of sweeping, no-holds-barred resolution in my life.
Well, as much as I'd wish that on everyone -- including myself -- I'm afraid that my resolution has been to remain unresolved.
CGU wanted to resolve me; God wanted to resolve me. But I'm sick of that. I want to resolve myself now.
Someday you'll see a post on the idea of the "grand narrative" and how it doesn't work. (Whenever I can manage to produce a good draft.)Also, see me bragging on you in a PSA today!
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