PSA: PSA!

This is easily the best online-dating PSA I've ever read. If only this guy weren't so into World of Warcraft. Anyway, what better way to start off the string of sad/witty/pithy/spam Craigslist personals than this? I can't think of one.

A handy guide to snag the CL man of your dreams... - 28 (around Hartford)

OK, ladies. We really need to talk. Over the past few months, I have become something of a CL enthusiast because it provides a fascinating glimpse into the human (female) psyche. No doubt many of the lessons I've learned will come in handy the next time I meet a PYT while in a World Of Warcraft chat room.

A couple things though, and this is for your own good. I am a relatively well-adjusted, non-psychotic, non-ugly, intelligent, funny, caring and sexual guy. The sweet spot of CL love seekers. So take this advice on its own merits.

Don't kid yourselves. This is a competition. Not all of you are the unique, beautiful, smart things you say you are. Not all of us would be lucky to have you. Following these five simple steps should lead into a world of CL bliss where the sky is made of gold and the ground you walk on is paved with orgasms.

1. Punctuation matters. Syntax is your friend. If the man of your dreams considers a Tom Brady jersey and backward Red Sox hat to be formal attire for a night on the town, things such as comma splices and proper use of dependent clauses probably don't matter. But many of you have made it known you are seeking a "smart, sexy, guy" who is "interesting" and can "prove to me that their not all alike." That is the incorrect usage of "their," and that says a lot about you. Trust me. Smart, sexy guys notice shit like that.

2. Busch Light + single mother = Jerry Springer. I know, it's hard. Our economy is melting down before our eyes. There's a war on. Icebergs are disappearing at a record pace and the Red Sox are slumping. Life's difficult, and beer sometimes helps.
But if you are a single mother turning to CL for a companion and include a picture of yourself clutching some form of shitty bottom shelf beer in one hand and your adorable child in the other, chances are you have a lot more nights ahead of you that involve drinking alone.

3. Lose the attitude. I can't emphasize this enough. So many of you act like there's an armed bandit behind you, forcing you to post a CL ad. Uh, WTF? This shit is voluntary. So if you're a "BBW" don't follow that up with "yeah I'm fat and if you don't like it fuck you I got no time for haters." Whoa, calm down bitch. You only get one chance at making a good first impression.
And by the way, some men just aren't down with the soft girls, and no amount of linguistic manipulation can change that. We're computer nerds. When you say "voluptuous, curvy, a few extra pounds, more to love or beautiful on the inside," you come off sounding totally pathetic and desperate. I say this because I care. Life is better with honesty. Honesty leads to an inbox full of gushing CL missives.

4. We know that picture is not you. As much as we'd love to imagine a flat-stomached, tanned sex goddess is interested in getting into our sweat pants, we know better.
I have had sex with girls like that. I have not met them on CL. That's not to say cute girls don't inhabit the more intimate sections of Craig, but we know the signs.

5. Temper your expectations. Gerard Butler, George Clooney and Justin Timberlake are busy fellows. Their time is already taken up. Please don't wait for them to accept your offer of cruising around greater Connecticut on a motorcycle or you're going to be one disappointed gal.
If you are lucky enough to receive a thought-out, well-crafted and genuine response from a guy and his picture doesn't have one of those cheesy late 80s laser backdrops or Epcot in it, take a chance. See what happens.

Happy hunting.

PSA: Obama health plan opponents don't even understand Batman.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm all for protesting. Go ahead and swarm the Capitol if you want -- we're a democracy, and the grass on the mall isn't a luxurious, healthy green anyway, so there's not much to ruin -- but if you do, just please, please, have some good arguments.

I don't even necessarily support Obama's health care plans, but at least I don't accuse them of being (Hitlerian) fascist, socialist and anarchist all at the same time.

According to the AP, "[Some] signs — reflecting the growing intensity of the health care debate — depicted President Barack Obama with the signature mustache of Nazi dictator Adolf Hitler. Many referred to Obama as a socialist or communist, and another imposed his face on that of the villainous Joker from "Batman."

I've seen the photo of this sign with Obama's face made to look like Heath Ledger's from The Dark Knight; underneath the image appears to be written the single word "socialism."

Now that's just stupid. Everyone knows the Joker wasn't socialist. He was a malignant anarchist, intending to create and encourage chaos and entropy (of governmental order) wherever he went, which is the opposite of socialist.

This means that the creators of that sign not only don't understand socialism, or anarchism: They don't even understand BATMAN.

I'm a cultural studies student, so maybe I have an advantage over the masses, but I'd like to think it's well within range of average American human intelligence to understand the Batman movies. Then again, maybe it's not a problem with interpreting the movie; maybe the difference is that I know better than to think anything at all "bad" can be legitimately referred to as "socialism."

Or maybe it's because I'm a pinko commie that I've taken a second to think about the Joker's politics; maybe when people do things like that, the terrorists win.

Whatever the disconnect here, it's enough to make me not even want to know what these people think would be a better plan. I know better than to engage in dialogue with promiscuous Joker-image users, just like I know better than to make a sign like that when I'm headed off to protest.

Other, presumably more sedate protesters, dressed up in colonial garb to protest, but I also know better than to dress up like I'm fresh off the Mayflower and expect to be taken seriously. Here's a PSA, Sturbridge Village wannabes: The Pilgrims didn't need health care, socialized or otherwise, because they hadn't discovered germs yet.

PSA: Bullseye.

Target has a bunch of TV-on-DVD on sale for "college 2009" -- all five seasons of Alias, all five seasons of Angel and all seven of Buffy, all three seasons of Arrested Development, the first two seasons of How I Met Your Mother, volumes 1 and 2 of Family Guy and Futurama, and others.

They're $12.99 each through the end of the month.

If you don't own Buffy or Alias, you should. The other shows are also very funny, and worth $13 per season.

I wouldn't PSA you if this wasn't the best price I'd ever seen.

Note: if you go to your Target and there are no little "Temporary Price Cut" signs near the TV in question, pick up the seasons you want anyway and take them to a price scanner. I found some of the Targets in my area didn't have special displays (check the "college" section of the store in addition to the TV/electronics section), and some didn't have the signs up indicating the sale.

PSA: Follow along with me.

You'll see from "PSA: I'm stalking you, 2.0" that I'm a follower of many of your blogs now, those of you who have blogs I know about. What I didn't write at the time -- because I'm not a real cyber-stalker -- is that I'm also a follower of a relatively recent addition to the blogosphere, thanks to friend Jenny and her following-ship. ("Follower-ship?" "Followerhood?" Hmm. Help me out, editor Sara.)

"Needs a good edit" is exactly what my blog would be like if I were more consistent, less prone to online hystrionics and, well, overall less "vaudeville." And if CU didn't have such a clearly defined goal of offending all who read.

So when you get tired of continuing unprotected through the unpredictable mental peregrinations of someone who couldn't commit to more than a minima (template) -- or when you've just read everything I've got up already -- read this blog.

Savor it.

Wish there were more.

And -- most importantly -- feel bad along with me that you didn't write it first.

PSA: Mountain mama overrun by Mormons

According to Yahoo! News and the Associated Press, Utah is the happiest state in America.

West Virginia is the least happy.

At least now we know alphabetical placement by state is not an indicator of relative happiness.

PSA: Dear Ygykaw Ticazamulycy:

I don't know how you got my email address, or how your message got past the spam filter, but what I'm most interested in is what made you think of me when you decided to advertise a "dating site for kinky people."

Then it occurred to me that you must have read my blog, and confused the words "idiosyncratic" and "kinky."

Please look them up ASAP.

And when you create a "dating site for idiosyncratic people," feel free to contact me again.

Thanks and sincerely,
Alicia.

PSA: Decolumnized?

Well, faithful readers (all three of you), my weekly op/ed column may have been discontinued -- not, I think, due to the comments I'd only now gotten to responding to, but thanks to a change in editorship.

There are any number of reasons this may have happened, all of them political, and none of them interesting enough to recount here.

You can see my last column, if it is my last, on my column blog. This is like a bonus for you, CU readers, since it has not run in the actual newspaper.

I mainly feel bad for the three comic book shop owners who talked to me for the info on this column. I feel less bad for myself, as almost a year's worth of weekly column writing has left me with a respectable freelance portfolio, I think, if I chose to continue being a freelance writer, and has drained my previously deep well of things I wanted to tell everybody.

And now I'll have time to go back to my first love: the legitimate theater.

Or, er, Continue Unprotected.

Where I can tell you all what I think all the time, uncensored.

Rock on, my three friends. Rock on.

PSA: Desktop backgrounds of William J. II

Goya’s “Dog”

Paper Fire-breathing Dragon

Matt Nabo’s “Steadman on the Train”

Matt Nabo’s Elephant

Ampersand

PSA: Yahoo presents "quietest places on earth"

Which are now, guaranteed, no longer quiet.

PSA: My response to "Make a Man Out of You" editorial from Swinging Bridge

Here's the article.

Here's my response:

Zachary,

While I appreciate your willingness to take on a topic that I think needs a lot of serious looking-into -- what it means to be a "man" in today's society -- and while I'm glad you're living up to the standards you've set for yourself in your (and your brothers') relationships, I'm disappointed to see that this article revolves almost exclusively around what men should not be doing with the women they date.

In other words, you've let the issue be determined by exactly those who are pressing us to get what we can (you're referring to sex, in particular, and virtually exclusively) rather than to suggest other things that "make" a man. There aren't even any really concrete suggestions on how men are supposed to "honor" the women they're with.

What I'd like to see, beyond this, is a constructive discussion of what it means to be human, and how humans may define themselves as men (or women). So much of the rhetoric of masculinity has been used, I believe incorrectly, to justify war and national policies based on the use of force or the loss of freedoms (see the Patriot Act) that I think there's a lot of potential material out there for this kind of discussion. What does it really mean to "be a man"? Is it a set of actions? How does being a man relate to having a male body -- are they always correlated? Or are there extra requirements for "manliness"?

I'd also like to see a closer look into how "honor" relates to women, and particularly to their status as virgins or not-virgins. How are these terms used, and how and why are they relevant today? How do they relate to past eras when women could be bought and sold, or rejected on the basis of non-virginity? How do they relate to questions (in the past) of determining paternity in a patrilineal society? In what ways do we need to redefine "honor" for women, to release the concept of "honor" from the historical trappings of property ownership, etc.?

On the other hand, I remember what it was like to be in the Messiah "bubble," where so much revolves around the opposite sex, how to interact with them and what a good result would be for those interactions (i.e. an engagement ring by spring senior year). I can understand how your article speaks more to that audience than to the world at large. I still hope you'll consider looking into the question of what "masculinity" is, and write a new article about being "a man" -- one that problematizes some of the assumptions that pervade both secular and Christian-college society.

(And on a personal note, I'm hoping you don't quote "Wild At Heart" as part of that...but that's just personal.)

I look forward to reading it.

PSA: Emily

Friend Emily, who once worked in the WC [the other one] at MC, has been seriously ill for over a month.

She's recovering, but anyone who knows what I'm talking about, keep her in your thoughts.

Anyone who doesn't know what I'm talking about, email me to find out.

PSA: Roomie Reunion 2008!

Tomorrow, the luckiest of days (8/8/08), is the beginning of Roomie Reunion 2008, hosted this year at my house!

Hurrah! Come, roomies, come!

PSA: Great moments of fatherly acceptance in the scripted media

Ordinary People, whole movie

Billy Elliot, when his father realizes dance is Billy's future

Glee, "Preggers" (Season 1 Episode 4), when his father cheers for him after making the game-winning field goal, and then later when he comes out to said father, who says "I've know since you were three...I love you just the same" with the conviction of a man who watches Deadliest Catch.

PSA: Parks and Recreations

For the past week and a half, I’ve been watching Parks and Rec’s first season. Because it’s only six episodes, that means I’ve had to watch it three times.

It’s delightful, though, a fact which hits you somewhere around the middle of the season, and which sustains easily through three viewings. I woke up this morning with the theme song in my head.

Karen from The Office (Rashida Jones) is much more likeable as Ann, and Amy Poehler is more hilarious as an optimistic small-town bureaucrat than she was even as Tina Fey’s Baby Mama. Nick Offerman as Ron may be the most hilarious character on multiple viewings, as the libertarian head of Leslie Knope’s department who doesn’t believe in “big government,” but even deadbeat boyfriend-of-Ann Andy grows on you after awhile.

So go watch it, and laugh and then watch the commentaries. Then watch it again, and if you’re like normal TV-watching people, by then it will be about time for the second season to come out on DVD.

Tell your friends.

PSA: The Children of the Corn probably just needed social workers.

This was the photo that showed up with an ad for a 1 yr. social work degree on my Facebook page.

This completely confirms my decision not to become a social worker.

PSA: Green Cake

The band Cake's next album is reportedly to be produced in their Sacramento studio "using 100% solar energy," according to Wikipedia.

Also according to Wikipedia, "in June 2008, lead singer John McCrea told music publication REVUE that he is thinking seriously of quitting touring to become a farmer."

PSA: Twitter = new commercial delivery system

Well, today I joined twitter... @ohTHATalicia.

Follow me if you want. But read this warning first, because if you're a late adopter like me, you might expect things well past the beta stage of international acceptance to not suck by the time you get there: Twitter kind of sucks.

Maybe I'll get the hang of all that hash-tagging and @-signing and re-tweeting, and maybe in the future it will be SO FUN, but for now all my twitter feed (if that's even what it's called) looks like to me is a list of all the commercials I've been missing out on over the last few years of watching exclusively DVD'd content. Making each "tweet" 140 characters or less actually makes them worse; imagine if those 30 second spots that used to be so familiar to us TV viewers were crammed into 5 seconds each and you had to watch 30 of them in each commercial break. Yeesh.

Next I'll have to figure out what all this Angry Birds fuss is about.

PSA: Some of these MUST be spambots.

Number of different email addresses I've received mail from indicating interest in my CL ad as of this minute: 47

PSA: Coming: 24-hour mix

Prince Certainpersonio suggested, and I agreed, that we make a 24-hour mix set of CDs – that is, 24 hours of music that correspond to hours of the day, mainly in tone (i.e., noon is peppy, midnight is dance-party, early morning is contemplative).

Look forward to it.

PSA: Alicia’s feel-good schedule for the rest of her life

Monday: Cutting and pasting arts and crafts (with construction paper)

Tuesday: Watching dancing – lessons, competitions, or performances, televised or live

Wednesday: Banjo lessons (because, hey, might as well try something new, and it’s true – most banjo music is unrelentingly cheerful)

Thursday: Watching and critiquing movies with friends – either movies with merit, or with MST3000-style levels of absurdity (“Mitchell!”)

Friday: Playing with kittens

Saturday: Reading aloud (with others)

Sunday: On the town near Boston (until relocation to the Boston area, the Sunday plan includes a road trip; after relocation, the “road trip” requirement may be combined with reading aloud or, in a pinch, banjo lessons; it may also replace banjo lessons once complete hopelessness at banjo is established)

All of the above activities are intended to be done in the evening, also known as “the best time of day,” or into the night, in part to allow sleeping in (a feel-good requirement) and the accomplishment of pleasant errands such as trips to the Asian market, in part to take advantage of the joys of anticipation, and in part to allow the enjoyment of outdoor activities during the day.

Other daytime activities may include taking a nice walk; talking with friends; cooking, usually with/for others; being “in nature” (i.e., seeing/piling up/jumping in fall leaves, smelling spring air, gardening); occasional vacuuming; studying foreign languages; writing thesis papers in breezy, well-lit rooms; reading Victorian novels and/or comic book anthologies; drinking tea or hot chocolate in fashionably un-matching mugs from Goodwilled teapots, etc.

Activities that should never enter in to the feel-good schedule include dealing with finances or any type of math (except where theoretically interesting, as in the four-color problem, and then for only a limited duration); talking to people who are distasteful or rude; going to the gas station; laying about listlessly for hours at a time (except in thoughtful reverie); washing dishes or cleaning the bathroom; watching dull movies or eating dull foods; complaining; being sad.

This schedule will commence as soon as a sufficiency of dancing performances, banjo lessons and kittens is achieved.