20x10: Manual For How To Deal With Fame Rules

1. Don't care what people think.

2. Don’t contradict people when they say you were upset about something.

3. Don’t wear sweatpants. Ever. Also don’t wear track suits, unless you’re a black man.

4-5. Don't go on "Celebrity Jeopardy." Don't go on Saturday Night Live. But go ahead and be on SNL for “Celebrity Jeopardy.”

6. Only branch out into fashion, women’s shoes or perfume if you’re a female pop star – if you are a female pop star, only branch out in these ways rather than by becoming an “actress.”

7. The recent trend toward “green” living should be followed to the letter, or it won’t count.

8. Get a Jewish mother equivalent (JME) to keep you down to earth, but if you are ever discovered, say she is your dominatrix.

9. Don't try to explain yourself to ordinary people. Ever.

10. Don't kill anybody.

11*. Don't go to court.

*I'm allowing 10 places for rules; because 4 and 5 are combined, this leaves space for rule 11 at the end of the list. In other words, "this one goes to 11."