How to find online love, part I: Crafting the profile

Start your profile "I am a vampire and..." and require that any respondents finish the quote in their subject line. Delete all emails that aren't subjected with some piece of the following: "I am a vampire and what? I am a vampire and here's a million dollars? I am a vampire and here's your own spaceship? I mean what the f...Oh, I get it! They GOT 'im!"

Also, mock everyone else by including a sarcastic paragraph similar to your most hated entries:

"I'm a 6' 10" intellectual with a passionate sense of humor and good spelling. I like to make speeches about my high school football experiences in sports bars. I prefer to date a girl I could bench press three of, since I am such a good bench presser that I could probably lift you morbidly obese ladies, too (but don't bother contacting me). I enjoy a girl who could sell an igloo to a moose but who would have just as much fun staying in the igloo as selling it. I can keep you warm, baby. I run marathons and have traveled to Australia."

Include your actual favorite book list, but end it with "also, anything by Danielle Steel."