Quantifiable Living: Liz Lemon-Social satisfaction scale

Emotion: Satisfaction (with social life)

Unit of measure: Liz Lemons

How it works: Satisfaction with one’s social situation may be measured in Liz Lemons (LL). This scale may be used in two ways, and assists those who do not consider proximity to potential wedding party members to be the highest possible social good (i.e., the ambitious, who consider “networking” a high social good, or hermits, who consider proximity to anyone to be a social problem).

Unlike all other QL scales, the Liz Lemon-satisfaction scale relies partly on the use of particular grammar to properly relay its message of how socially satisfied an individual is feeling. This should not be construed as a “creative” use of language, as the usages are as specific and effective as functions in a math equation (i.e., “equals,” “times,” or “square root of”), and as creativity undermines the essential purpose of QL (to quantify all aspects of life).

One may feel “X-number like Liz Lemon” or feel “X-number Liz Lemons.”


“Like LL”: To feel “like” Liz Lemon is to feel embarrassed or temporarily dissatisfied with one’s social situation, often despite other apparent success (career, creative, etc.), due to a tendency to commit faux pas.

The number of feeling “like” Liz Lemon – l(LL), expressed mathematically – is, simply, the number of social faux pas one has performed in a day. Individual discretion may be used to determine what constitutes a faux pas, though typically this will be determined by the amount of shame one feels during or on recollection of the situation.


Examples:

Three faux pas performed in one day: 3 l(LL)

Seventeen faux pas performed in one day: 17 l(LL)


Elaborations: Individual discretion is purposely factored in to this scale, as more neurotic individuals who would judge “faux pas” on a stricter scale than most, are actually experiencing less social satisfaction than others.

Limits: Those who fail to judge their objectively legitimate faux pas as such (the extremely arrogant or otherwise socially inept) may fail to record any dissatisfaction, ever, using this scale, and may wish to resort to cultural miles-geographic dissatisfaction or wedding party members-social satisfaction scales in order to express their (dis)content with their social situations.


“Liz Lemons”: One Liz Lemon as a unit of measure equates to the feeling one gets from watching one Liz Lemon quip on an episode of 30 Rock. “Quip” here refers to not only the sarcastic phrases LL uses to get the upper hand in any given situation, but also those used to cope with obvious failure or faux pas. It often helps when using this scale to think of one’s favorite 30 Rock quip and imagine the enjoyment caused by hearing it to accurately measure how socially satisfied one is feeling.

Simply calculate current feelings of social satisfaction as multiples of one LL quip-watching.


Examples:

Found $5 on the street: 2 LL

Found $10 on the street: 3 LL

Found $32.49, the exact amount of money needed to pre-order 30 Rock, season 3, on amazon.com, on the street: 140 LL


Limits: Those who find a preternatural enjoyment in watching LL quips may find their LL levels to be consistently lower than others’, as each LL for these individuals amounts to a greater degree of happiness. These individuals may wish to double their LL levels when speaking to non-fans of 30 Rock, or else to think of a slightly less enjoyable quip before calculating their LL levels.