So I thought the Apocalypse was nigh after our former V.P. shot his friend in the face (and didn't tell us about it for awhile, and the news outlets thought the cover-up was the problem) -- but when the world didn't end, or at least didn't end quickly, I let down my guard and thought "well, at least there aren't any other news stories that can't possibly be made sillier by Jon-Stewart-types."
Until recently, when, in a stroke of genius that sounds like it came straight out of Stargate (the movie, not the series), BP announced that it was going to lower a cement dome over the oil leak.
It turns out that this plan was less silly than it sounded, since the dome would have sucked up much of the oil through a pipe rather than just clamping it down, but it worked just about as well as you'd expect that plan to work, not knowing the highly technical details involved.
Can't they submit these plans to some kind of eight-year-old test? That is, to first ask an eight-year-old whether it sounds like a good plan or a silly one? In my experience, eight year olds are excellent judges of various shades of silliness, and at a minimum could help BP figure out how to spin this thing in the news properly.
Just off the top of my head, for instance, if the leak never stops, the company could present itself as philanthropic: most of the people in the South are poor, and here comes BP, providing them all with free oil. Now all they have to do is go pick it up and figure out how to refine it. In the meantime, the prices will go up for all the northern rich people.
Their new slogan could be "BP: Like Robin Hood for gasoline -- delivering crude oil to the Gulf Coast for free since 2010."
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