TDS: May 30, 2011

I spent today on a m---f---ing boat.

TDS: May 29, 2011

I went to my blog and there were weird characters on the top where the "search" and "new post" were supposed to be -- again -- and I wondered if I was drunk from that pre-mixed mojito stuff I got with a Groupon last week.

TDS: May 28, 2011

Last night I scratched my side (over my shirt) with one good, normal scratch, and more than half ripped off a mole, which makes me wonder whether I might have some sort of skin cancer or possibly zombie virus.

TDS: May 27, 2011

Going to the post office feels like doing the dishes, particularly because I often have to trick myself into doing either one using radio shows.

TDS: May 26, 2011

The other night I had a dream that I met Hilary Winston (who wrote My Boyfriend Wrote a Book About Me, and for My Name Is Earl, and now for Community), or that I was about to meet her, and mentioned to a coworker of hers in the elevator that I'd first encountered her through Twitter and enjoyed the little interactions, and her coworker said "oh, she HATES Twitter," and I said "oh, so do I, but Hilary Winston is one exception that makes me keep coming back to Twitter," but I don't think the coworker believed me.

TDS: May 25, 2011

Yesterday I saw an old Cadillac, and I totally and finally understood why our Polish landlord in the 1980s wanted (and had) one of those -- even though our driveway was too narrow for it, and one side of said driveway was a scratchy rock wall -- because it looked exactly like the car a Polish man in America would want.

TDS: May 24, 2011

"Assorted" usually means you'll get some things/sizes/flavors you like or need, crammed in with some things/sizes/flavors nobody likes or needs.

TDS: May 23, 2011

Gertrude hung up on him while he was still in the middle of a sentence because she thought she would rather guess at what he was about to say than to ever know.

TDS: May 22, 2011

I may want to live my life thoughtfully and creatively and it may happen that it's much easier to do that as a lower-level employee than as a manager or boss.

The Daily Sentence

Starting today, one sentence a day, until I have something longer to say.

Night at the High School Musical

Me: "So, anything on TV tonight?"

Girl: "Yeah, High School Museum 3."

PSA: Blogger ruins my one moment of inspiration in May

I did try to post something once this month. It just happened to be at exactly the same time Blogger was down.

I'll try to recapture the magic I'm sure was in store for us all then. I haven't quantified any living lately, or told famous people how they should live, or even complained a lot about my recent car quests, which have wiped out my brain and bank account. I've mostly (when I'm not complaining in person to P.C. about my car problems, or requiring that he give an opinion on something I've determined is a dilemma) been watching comedy TV and horror films.

Perhaps I'll elaborate on my recently invented half-hour comedy TV show category "observational comedy," as opposed to the "sitcom." Perhaps I'll give you all my opinion on Hostel as compared to the recently reviewed Saw movie cycle. Or perhaps I'll watch these two "trapped!" subgenre horror films I just rented -- Devil (trapped in an elevator) and Frozen (trapped on a ski lift) -- and review those.

But I think what you, my three-person public, probably want is something funny and possibly cute, and if that fails, something delicious.

I'll work on that. In the meantime, look at these delicious blogged things from friend Maryellen at Love & Scraps.

TDS: May 31, 2011

The other night I dreamed that bears were mauling everyone, like in a concerted effort to eat everybody, and we'd all already voted friend Carl into a spot for the ten people who would go into these escape pods and be saved; I realized just before waking up that this must have been the apocalypse that had been predicted, happening with bears first, and sure to move on to other plague-like, nature-turning-on-you disasters.