20x11: Things I don’t like

This list is only half the 20x11, because in general I think it’s a good practice to try to focus on things you like more than on things you don’t like. Besides, anyone who has met me has heard at least 20x5.5 number of things I don’t like and can therefore supplement the list with those complaints.

In completely random order:

Hot seatbelt after the car’s been sitting in the summer sun; missing puzzle pieces; Internet spam; yapping dogs; children crying in that way where their faces turn red and they choke on their own crying; stepping on the bottom of your jeans outside in the rain or snow so they get wet and dirty; William J. Vader II; Alicia Silverstone; people who try to explain predestination by repeating their argument louder instead of saying something different; when something falls in the trash accidentally

Vomiting; reading Agatha Christie novels when I’m not on long train rides; mirrors with shiny silvery metallic frames; mirrors with shiny gold-like metallic frames; people who tell you not to do something and then go and do it themselves, anyway; people who condescend to you; the self-centeredness of making lists of stuff you like on your personal blog; not being able to control the whininess in your voice when you’ve been crying or are upset; when people give away what “Rosebud” means; getting cut off in traffic; being told “you’ll understand when you’re older,” especially since you never do

When the person you’re with is paying more attention to someone else than to you; going to parties where you don’t know anyone; pretzels; cream cheese on anything but a bagel; The Itchy and Scratchy Show; the American flag – aesthetically; “the American flag” – as a rallying point for people who don’t have an actual well-thought-out opinion on issues; Jean-Ralphio on Parks and Recreation; when people use second person to distance themselves from the stuff they’re saying; making errors in spelling; Mike Rappaport

Saurkraut; not understanding German; Screech from Saved By The Bell; the fact that some of the shows I really liked aren’t out on DVD, or that they stopped after releasing the first season or two; that time I had just gotten my training wheels off and fell into the kiddie pool as I rode around the driveway, at the time; living on the third floor or higher; drying clothes on a clothesline, because of the time it takes and how I have to schedule laundry around the weather report; drinking alcohol; spending more than an hour at the aquarium; waiting in line; when I tell someone to stop tickling me and they don’t

Wearing high heels; not having a place to put all the stuff I want to hoard; not knowing everything in the world; touching raw chicken; meat pies; the phrase “humble abode”; having to check the pockets of pants before putting them in the washer; not having a dishwasher; washing the dishes; My Antonia by Willa Cather; burning my tongue on a too-hot beverage even though I blew on it for a long time and it seemed safe to drink

The word “discombobulate”; A Day No Pigs Would Die by a guy whose name I can’t remember; not remembering that guy’s name; cheesy and sweet flavors together; cheesecake; the recent years of Garfield; when people gather in the kitchen at parties even though everything is set up in the other room; troubleshooting lost Internet connections; competing publicly; karaoke; people who immediately begin saying a word that someone just said they hated, as if to test out the hatred of the person who hates that word, or to torture them

Swimming at the YWCA when I was little; my stupid phone battery that dies all the time; potato salad; cranberry sauce with other stuff in it, like celery; celery; having multiple plates and bowls per-person, per-meal, at a home dinner party; orange-scented things; wracking my brain for a movie title on the tip of my tongue and still not being able to think of it; doing my taxes; back pain; any phrase combining a body part and food word, such as “head cheese” or “toe jam”

Carrying a purse that doesn’t go over the shoulder; when DVDs won’t let you skip ahead to the main menu; this weird digital TV signal thing that causes me to not get any channels; giant corporations that are secretly running the world; the Tea Party; Power Bars; the idea of climbing a mountain; imaginary friends, when adults have them and speak to them in public; prices on food at concession stands; Carrot Top; people who never stop complaining

Cursing; the virgin/whore dichotomy; lima beans; AOL; dogs that lick you; “dog-hand” – the smell your hand has after you pet a smelly dog; the fatty edge of ham; cigarette smoke, or the smell of it; when people name their kids stupid names; sharp knives; dickies

Canadian bacon; the way the new Oprah channel is being advertised as if she didn’t already have her own TV network; when people accidentally break my stuff; American cheese; those wheelie shoes; shoes that you have to shine; when people back down just to appease someone else who is wrong; when people back down just to appease someone else who is a jerk; movies where the lead woman is an idiot; movies where the lead man is an idiot; movies where everyone else has to be an idiot to make the lead man look like a normal guy

Shoulder and neck pain; Valentine’s Day clichés; the idea of “figgy pudding”; the rudeness of guests who would demand that you “bring it right here”; dancing; the portions of songs I otherwise like, particularly 80's ballads, where the band "breaks it down" and includes a long musical interlude, often of a saxophone solo (.5)