Sunday, August 30, 2009

Overnight girl: Tattooicidal with ideation

Overnight girl: "My mom treats me like a kid and won't let me do things, like get a real tattoo."

Me: "Oh my goodness. Why would you want a real tattoo?"

Girl: "It's fun!"

Me: "Well what would you get for a tattoo?"

Girl: "Big [indicates her entire left leg], or across my back, with 'I love Derek Jeter.'"

Me: "Well what if Derek Jeter gets old and is ugly? Then it will still be there."

Girl: [Laughs.]

Me: "Then it would be like getting a tattoo with 'I love old and ugly guy.' You should just get that."

Girl: [Laughs and walks away.]

Friday, August 28, 2009

PSA: You go squish now!

Well, reader(s), I've officially started classes for an M.A. This means my time will be filled up with things like reading, writing, and occasionally and probably against my will, "producing culture."

If some of the culture I produce is blogable, I'll post it.

Otherwise, I'll likely have to cut back officially on the number of blog posts you can expect; I say "officially" because you've likely already made these mental alterations over the past few weeks, when I wasn't blogging on weekdays, or over the last several months, when I wasn't averaging two posts per day.

So from now on, I'll blog whatever I can think up for the week ahead with a goal of five posts per week, and post them (maybe in time-release form) on the weekends.

In other words, nothing, really, is going to change for you: I'll be blogging approximately the same amount and same content I have been -- I've just decided to stop feeling any guilt about not doing more.

Note: I haven't forgotten the offer to produce a flex-my-brain essay, probably on FNL's portrayal of masculinity, for CU...but since I haven't had a chance to watch the two seasons I have of Friday Night Lights yet, it will take awhile.

Local Trivia: "Caffe" now a word.

The "Main Street Caffe" has replaced Greenwich Coffee in Cheshire, CT.

I haven't been in there yet, but if spelling's any indication, it won't be as awesome.

PSA: Reading Rainbow's last day

According to NPR, today is Reading Rainbow's last day. The program has run for 26 years -- so just long enough for me to have loved it from the beginning -- but now isn't being funded for a new season, in part because PBS research has shown that programs that teach children how to read are the way to go.

A spokesperson for PBS said Reading Rainbow was never "a show about how to read...it was about why to read."

They pointed out that probably everyone (or at least everyone listening to NPR at 8 a.m.) had the theme song locked away in their brain somewhere. I have an additional one: the 1984 "Teamwork" episode (where Levar dresses up in tights and dances with a ladder). And then there's the "Abiyoyo" song Tyler used to sing until I yelled at him in irritation.

I watched Reading Rainbow reruns during lunch break between classes senior year in college. It came on right after The Wonder Years, and it usually made me feel more nostalgic than Kevin's voiceover accounts of his relationship with Winnie.

I'll miss Reading Rainbow, even though I haven't seen it for years, and its end makes me wonder: When will it be out season-by-season on DVD?

And what will Levar Burton be doing now? Sci-fi conventions?

At least I've got all of TNG to console me.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

PSA: Come on, lucky 28!

It seems 28 should be lucky. It's divisible by 7 and 4, which are both lucky numbers (except in Chinese, where 4 means "death").

But it pretty much just feels like nothing...there's just more "late" in the "mid-to-late-twentysomething." 29 is a prime number -- you're alone, independent, indivisible. But 28 seems friendly and inviting, able to be split by odd or even, a nice amalgamation of all influences and more basic premises (or numbers).

It's still a safe two years from 30, also...and it's not 30 itself that's the problem, I realized when I woke up this morning: It's 36 and 37 and 39. They're in there with the thirties. Some things in my life will be absolutely resolved by then. I'll be half-my-life old, at least.

But for now, 28 seems good.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

PSA: Boom. Registered.

Finally.

I'll be taking a class on the South Asian diaspora instead of the Chinese diaspora, but we're not looking for perfection, here.

We're just looking for mastery.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Universal Trivia: Engage.

I've just put in an order for a Region 0 version of "Star Trek: The Next Generation" the complete series. I can play it because of my Chinese DVD player, which will play anything except Region 1 discs that "The Man" reworked to play only on Region 1 players.

Every episode, including the ridiculous, stupid "The Naked Now" and the awesome, mind-blowing "The Best of Both Worlds, Parts 1-2," will be in it.

I know this because I already own it, on VHS. I got them from Freecycle in DC from a woman who I said "has either broken up with her boyfriend and is giving them away as revenge, or has upgraded to DVD." They'd upgraded.

Anyone who still has a VCR, a love for TNG and the ability to come pick them up, the VHS are yours.

Local Trivia: What the health?

Well, there's still a health hold on my registration despite it being five days since I received notice that my forms were legible and complete.

I've put classes in my "add/drop shopping cart" (no kidding), but I'm unable to go through with registering for them.

Soon the case of nerves caused by this process is going to necessitate a psych evaluation.

And then I'll never get classes.

Local Trivia: What the helicopter?

Observed, pulled over alongside a gas tanker truck on I-84 East between exits 32 and 33:

A helicopter sitting on a flatbed.

Monday, August 17, 2009

PSA: Bullseye.

Target has a bunch of TV-on-DVD on sale for "college 2009" -- all five seasons of Alias, all five seasons of Angel and all seven of Buffy, all three seasons of Arrested Development, the first two seasons of How I Met Your Mother, volumes 1 and 2 of Family Guy and Futurama, and others.

They're $12.99 each through the end of the month.

If you don't own Buffy or Alias, you should. The other shows are also very funny, and worth $13 per season.

I wouldn't PSA you if this wasn't the best price I'd ever seen.

Note: if you go to your Target and there are no little "Temporary Price Cut" signs near the TV in question, pick up the seasons you want anyway and take them to a price scanner. I found some of the Targets in my area didn't have special displays (check the "college" section of the store in addition to the TV/electronics section), and some didn't have the signs up indicating the sale.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Quantifiable Living: Levels of trash

How it works: In a similar vein to the "Levels of Cleanliness" scale, the levels of trash scale indicates how gross a unit (bag, dumpsterload, heap) of trash is.

Unlike the "levels of cleanliness," the levels of trash uses a word-ranking scale rather than a number-ranking scale. This is the most efficient method for indicating all factors involved in determining a unit of trash's "grossness," which include sliminess, leakiness, smell and innate human revulsion (that is, the amount of natural disgust one feels at the trash's contents).

The appropriate words for describing trash will be listed from least to most offensive, with descriptions of sliminess (S), leakiness (L), smell (Sm) and innate human revulsion (IHR) to follow.


Rubbish: may be kept in a "bin"; may include such items as brightly colored candy wrappers or cake boxes; (S) contains no slimy items, (L) no leaky items, and therefore (Sm) does not smell and (IHR) does not provoke revulsion.


Paper waste: may be kept in a "waste basket"; may include all manner of papers; (S) contains no slimy items, (L) no leaky items, and therefore (Sm) does not smell; however, "paper waste" may contain distasteful photos of oneself or others, or evidence of fraud or embezzlement, each of which promote (IHR) and increase overall disgust.


Trash: must be kept in a "bag," which may be kept in a "container"; may include any item discarded by an individual or household, such as old broken toys and electronic equipment, clothes, leftover food from the fridge, and all paper waste and rubbish; on average, (S) will include old coffee grounds and perhaps a banana peel, (L) an old juice box drink and possibly leftover moldy meatloaf discarded still in its container, which will cause it to smell (Sm) approximately as bad as one's breath the morning after eating onions with dinner or a skunk spray from a mile away, all of which will increase revulsion (IHR) to the point of curling one's lip when asked to take the bag out.


Garbage: typically kept in a "bag," which may be kept in a "can" or "dumpster"; may include all manner of trash, with additional spoiled and leftover food contents such as chicken bones and innards, moldy yogurt three weeks past its expiration date, old tea bags, and failed stew experiments; on average, (S) will include items that ooze and cause one to immediately wash one's hands after contact, (L) will be barely contained by the bag and pool visibly at the bottom, causing one to run the bag to the curb "before it explodes," (Sm) will smell as bad as one's breath the morning after eating Doritos for dinner, or a dead skunk in the middle of the street in front of one's home. The revulsion (IHR) provoked by the sight of this discarded material will cause one to wince in physical pain.


Refuse: may be kept in a "can," "dumpster," or "container"; may include all garbage contents with the additional content of human bodily material such as vomit or items used to clean up vomit; (Sm) will smell as bad as one's breath the morning after bathing in garlic-parmesan sauce, or a dead squirrel slowly decaying in one's car engine. The innate human revulsion (IRH) in encountering these levels of slime, leakiness and smell will cause one to almost, but not quite, add to the waste content of the container.


Industrial-grade waste materials: must be kept in an industrial "drum," specialized "dumpster," "landfill" or "secret toxic waste dumpsite"; may include all manner of radioactive material, or, on the other end of the spectrum, all manner of animal offal, bones, parts and blood; (S) will cover part or all of one's body at some point in the disposal process; (L) will certainly leak, possibly in toxic quantities; (Sm) will cause one to physically lose the sense of smell, or else pass out, or both; will cause long-term madness in individuals with prolonged contact with the materials and blackouts in individuals with momentary contact. Repressed memories of such contact will resurface throughout one's life.



Elaborations: Special circumstances may also require the use of a word for discarded materials, from rubbish to refuse, that are not properly contained in garbage containers. There is a particular word for uncontained trash, which may or may not be repulsive ("litter"), described below.

Because seeing trash on the street increases IHR unnaturally, without increasing sliminess, leakiness or smelliness, the best way to measure litter's level of trash is to deposit it in an appropriate receptacle and then use the normal scale for levels of trash.

For your convenience, here is an addendum definition of "litter."

Litter: free-floating discarded items, ranging from receipts and musical theater ticket stubs to banana peels and dead scavenger animals (rats, pigeons). To be properly ranked, litter items must be placed in an appropriate trash receptacle.

PSA: "Obama asks moms to return to school."

So does that mean Obama is asking me, returning to school, to become a mom?

I've seen this ad a hundred times and still haven't figured it out.

PSA: Second Skin update.

Hulu has taken "Second Skin" down, or it's expired.

The website indicating where it may end up playing in theaters can be found here.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

PSA: Bud Light now flavored with lime, claims "superior drinkability."

Lye would have been more effective in covering up the "Bud Light" taste, but would have killed devotees slightly quicker.

It is also likely more difficult to drink.

TB or not TB -- that is the question.

I've been battling against the forces of the Health Center for two weeks now, at least, trying to prove with ink-and-paper that the memories I have of getting my MMR update right before camp in elementary school and of bursting into tears and clutching the purple dinosaur pillow I'd just finished making in home ec after getting the last adult dose of Hep B vaccine, are real.

It's not the Health Center's fault; it's Massachusetts State Law that I show proof of my immunizations or else face over $700 in tests and shot fees.

I started my quest with the doctor whose office my only America-side adult physician used to practice at. (Confused yet?) He had gone on to his own private practice and, when that failed, then went to work at a hospital, and I'd never officially transferred my patientship to the other doctor in his former-former practice, so I wasn't very hopeful.

The girl at the counter, who was very nice (though curt when she learned what I wanted), said they would have to order the records out of storage. I didn't believe she'd actually do it.

But she called me back three days later, after the weekend, to say that she had, and she had the file in front of her, and...actually, no, there was nothing at all in it, except a sheet describing the one office visit I'd ever made to the place.

I turned next to my pediatrician's office. They had called me five years ago insisting that since I was 23, I needed to have my records forwarded to an adult GP, and I'd given them the name of the doctor whose former-former office I'd already visited.

"They say they don't have my file with my immunization records," I told the receptionist on the phone.

"Oh, yes they do!" the girl said in what can only be described as a scornful tone.

I said they'd ordered the files from storage and whatever happened, they said they didn't have them -- so did my pediatrician's office have them?

Yes, the girl said, and they were ready for me right now. Then she insisted that since I am almost 28, I need to have my records forwarded to an adult GP -- a different one.

I went and picked up the records.

Then I went back through my emails to look over the requirements. I had the MMR and Hep B proof I needed -- but I hadn't had a Tetanus shot within the last 10 years, and I hadn't had a TB test since I came back from China...and living there for "more than a month" was what qualified me for new TB testing.

I called the Health Center and left a half-coherent message asking someone to just, please, call me back because I had questions about the immunization records requirement.

Then I wrote an email detailing my questions, to the same people: Could I get the shots I needed done at the Health Center, since my insurance would run out tomorrow (yesterday)? Would I have to get all the shots updated before I could register? Could I just send the files I had without getting a physician (since I didn't have one) to sign the immunization record paper? Should I have my pediatric file sent up to the Health Center?

I got a call back almost immediately, and most of the news was relieving. Yes, I could get the shots at the Health Center, but there would be a huge crowd on Monday and my registration would be blocked until I was cleared. I could just send the files I had, but I probably shouldn't have my pediatric files sent to a university Health Center.

I decided to pay out of pocket (because hey, having Aetna insurance basically means paying out of pocket anyway -- on top of the monthly expense of the Aetna insurance policy) for a Tetanus booster and a TB test at the walk-in clinic. I drove straight there.

I explained my needs to the women at the clinic, and after much deliberation, they decided I should be allowed a Tetanus and TB test without a full physical -- though I would have to pay $75 for "a small doctor's visit."

The "small doctor's visit" meant, apparently, that a doctor would come in, stop right in front of me as I sat on the exam room table, and ask "when were you in China?" I told him 2003-2005.

"Oh, yes," he said, "you need a TB test. And don't be surprised if it's positive."

"I hope it's not positive," I said, "cause then I'll need a chest X-ray."

"And six months of medication," he added, and left.

Left me in a panic, that is.

I spent the next two days (which is how long it takes to have a TB test done) obsessing over whether I had TB. I dreamed about having it. I saw red splotches on my arm, over the bruise left by the injection, and tried to figure out if they'd let me register before I got a chest X-ray, or if I'd have to drive it up there next week and already be on antibiotics.

P.C. was very patient with my worrying, and if it hadn't been for his playing "GTA: San Andreas," it would have been only immunization worries invading my dreams, minus the random CGI drive-arounds and sporadic shoot-'em-up missions.

But this morning I still couldn't sleep. I got up and drove past the clinic and when it wasn't open, I went to the Ocean State Job Lot to get more Amish barbeque sauce and wait the hour until it was.

When I got there, I told the receptionist I only needed to have my TB test looked at and get my paperwork back. She said she'd call the doctor, and I sat down. Ten seconds later, she called me back up.

"Which arm was it?" a different doctor asked.

"This one," I said. "There's a bruise where --"

"No, that's negative," he interrupted, and signed the paper and walked away.

I made them sign every sheet of paper I had.

(This afternoon I faxed the records to the helpful nurse at the Health Center. Tuesday, P.C.'s agreed to come up with me [again] to hand the copies in, in person, just in case.)

Friday, August 14, 2009

Re-Yahoo

Well, today I paid for the seventh time the $10 it takes to keep my email account open per year -- I subscribed to Yahoo! Plus while I was in China. (We didn't check old email addresses while we were in-country.)

And today was the day that Yahoo! finally got me to write in my "new secret questions" -- just in case I forgot the password I've been using for every login since I got this email address ten years ago.

In case you're interested in hacking in and changing said password, my first secret question-and-answer was as follows:
"Seriously, is Yahoo going to make me ask a question? -- Apparently"
I can't remember the second one, but I'm sure it was something like "Is Yahoo being stupid? Yess [the answer had to be four characters long]"

I hope actual people have to read and approve of these questions before they go through, so someone actually knows what I think about this.

Re-Betty

Well, Betty passed her emissions test last week, and now she's officially on her way to being re-registered in the state of Connecticut.

I did not bother to change "Geo Prizm" to "Geo Betty" on the form, as any corrections would necessitate my mailing in payment instead of paying online, but in honor of her good exhaust system (but strange, occasional dead-thing-like smell coming through the vents), P.C. changed her air filter a few days ago, and today I opened up a fresh little-tree air freshener, making her now compliant with our noses, as well as Connecticut emissions standards.

Monday, August 10, 2009

PSA: Watch this online, which is the most appropriate way to do so.

Hulu.com featured a documentary about online gamers (or at least those who play MMORPGs -- don't worry. That's explained in the movie -- and WOW in particular) over the weekend, and I decided to watch it. It's called "Second Skin," an obvious reference to the need (and desire) for avatars in online gaming.

If you're at all interested in online games, or know someone who is, or if you'd just been to a Doctor Who (the new series) marathon on Saturday and so were kind of primed for this sort of thing, you should watch it.

It's a well-built documentary, following several gamers from different parts of the country over at least a year, during which many of the gamers make significant changes in their lives -- or have significant changes thrust on them, like the new father of twins -- and it not only chronicles the changes in their gaming habits and the way they think about the games and games' place in their lives, but how they interact with each other and the outside world.

Some of the most powerful moments of the film -- and oddly, there are quite a few -- come towards the end, which is where they should be. It's rare that in a documentary you find such a pleasing narrative build, but this is a good one.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

PSQ: Just [don't] do it.

I stumbled across an interesting post at random blog "The Phydeaux Speaks Experience" (which hasn't been updated in about two years) during my Georgia-Russia research this weekend. It raised some points I can't help but wonder about myself, and I thought you three CU readers might do the same.

For instance, why do we have ads about the dangers of drug use but not the dangers of rape or murder or other violent crimes?

The author of the "Phydeaux" blog gets down to business, suggesting we either start seeing ads telling us not to rape people, or stop seeing ads telling us not to use illegal drugs. He chalks it up, and rightly, I'd say, to government hypocrisy that we're seeing one kind of ad and not the other -- and he again rightly points out that the people most affected/incarcerated by the War on Drugs are disproportionately people of color, and that putting nonviolent drug offenders in jail means releasing more violent criminals to make room.

Good points, and I'd like to add to them.

I think part of the reason we don't see anti-rape ads is that the public doesn't want to hear about rape while watching reruns of Friends. It's distasteful to think about violent crimes during dinner, or primetime, when we're supposed to be thinking about consuming the goods that advertisers have paid TV stations to make us want. We're supposed to be thinking about the real commercials.

And maybe that's part of it, too -- drugs are seen as a product, something to be purchased and consumed (or, if you have a bathtub in the basement and no fear of fiery death, produced), while rape and murder are actions you take.

But I think the main difference here is that we already know murder and rape are wrong, in our hearts. We don't need ads telling us not to do these things, because they make us feel bad, and they make the people around us feel bad. Drugs often make people feel good (until they don't anymore -- I'm not advocating drug use, here), and it's not natural law telling us not to do them. It's the government.

What this means for legislation is beyond my expertise. But what do you think?

New word: E-ttacked

v., adj. To attack an individual or an individual's avatar, guild or associated group online, personally and with harmful intent; to have been attacked or harmed online personally.

PSA: Twitter-hated

According to Yahoo!, a Twitter-blogger in the country of Georgia was e-ttacked by a bunch of hackers intending mischief -- though no one (or no one at Yahoo, anyway) knows why.

"Just who was behind these attacks is not yet clear, but the dispute was probably related to the ongoing political conflict between Russia and Georgia.

Gomi said the attacking computers were located around the world and the source of the attacks was not known.

The attacks seemed to come in two waves.

The first was a spam campaign consisting of e-mails with links back to posts by Cyxymu. This drove some traffic to the blogger's postings on various social-networking sites, possibly to disparage him as the source of the spam.

The second and more destructive phase consisted of the denial-of-service attack, which attacked the sites' servers by sending it lots of junk requests — presumably to prevent people from reading his viewpoints."

Now if your immediate impulse is the same as mine, you're now looking up Cyxymu's Twitter blog (it's in Cyrillic Russian, guys), and possibly Googling "Georgia and Russia" in another tab. It's been almost exactly a year since the war between Georgia's David and Russia's Goliath (or Georgia's Vietnam and Russia's U.S.A.?), and I guess tensions are, as they often will, continuing to run high.

The Yahoo article is mostly about Twitter and how everyone who writes there was left serviceless thanks to this attack, which I find interesting. It's as though there had been a chemical bomb released somewhere in Asia, and America's first wave of news regarding this had been what kind of dispersion and effects the chemicals would have on American soil, rather than a report on what happened. Both are helpful and necessary, but typically they come together.

It seems from other articles that Cyxymu blames the Russian government for what happened, which would make for a very interesting story if it were true -- at the very least, it could be a made-for-TV movie.

Let's hope some web users figure out the details of what happened, and learn something about Georgia and Russia in the process. It's possible that in doing so, they'll come to defend one side or the other...at which point, the attack on Cyxymu will be finished off, or the counter-attack on whoever did this will begin.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Local Trivia: So the aliens know they're in the right place? Or the wrong one?

Observed, on Camp St. in Plainville, spelled large on the roof of a small white house, in Christmas lights: U. S. A.

Local Trivia: Knit note

Comment from "Knit or not?":

"JRT has left a new comment on your post "Local Trivia: Knit or not?":

Alicia... too funny! You are right. Bayberry Knitting's Grand Opening was a hoot! The place was overflowing with friends, customers and other guests, big shots and small shots...

I will let you in on a secret: the shop unfortunately is not open 24/7. There are periods when the store is closed. The shop hours are posted on its website bayberryknitting.com and checkout the blog while you're at it.

As to the store looking like it's completely empty, don't be tricked, Betty lowers a reflective shade in her storefront windows that blocks out the sun... taking a quick look from the outside, it probably will look empty but it is far from it. So, far the shop is a wild success..."


Well, this small shot is glad to hear it.

Friday, August 7, 2009

PSA: Owning three seasons of "The Shield" does not give anyone actual crime-solving skills.

And yet I still received an email today telling me I should "put your crime-solving skills to work and earn money!"

Then again, maybe it was the complete series of Veronica Mars that made me qualified.

The irony is that we were running late at the time.

I'd been worried that after her fifth revision of her "tunes" CD, my girl's choice of Live's "Scarred Like That" was too risque and violent: Sure, they "won't be raped," but is any reference to rape appropriate here?

I worried, that is, until this morning, when I heard clearly what she sings when she sings along to the song: "Now we won't be late."

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Things I did today, 8/6/09

Went downtown to pay my late car tax, which came to $30.70 including the late fee

Stopped at the former office of my former doctor to see if I could get a copy of my MMR and Hep B immunizations from them before I start school in three weeks

Went to the pharmacy to try to get a prescription filled, got myself in their system and was told there would be a $60 copay -- so walked out

Went to my other doctor's office to pay a small outstanding bill and ask about the prescription

Shopped at Target for a black fitted sheet to cover my futon couch, and a new pillow

Got Betty an oil change

Went to the bank to get cash

Used $20 of that cash to have my car's emissions checked for registration renewal by the 22nd*

Some of an apparently infinite number of dirty dishes

All the laundry

Found my hot-glue gun in old craft boxes

Re-glued the ridiculous rhinestones to the metal gold-plated-looking photo frame they came on, so I can put a photo of P.C. in it, for my Waltham den

Gathered over 20K of P.C.'s money earned in Vice City, bringing his total bankroll up past 180K

Watched three more episodes of "Sleeper Cell: American Terror"

Assembled a new drying rack

Cracked the new drying rack's top arm during assembly

Disassembled some dresser drawers using a hammer

Hammered my own knee, causing a small welt to appear

Cleaned the toilet

Windexed the bathroom mirror

Took a shower

Watched P.C. drive his Vice City motorcycle over the tops of several buildings, falling off multiple times and ending up back in the elevator every time

Put on my "What Happens in the Holodeck Stays in the Holodeck" shirt that P.C. gave me and prepped to go watch SYD at Joe and Liz's

Watched and gabbed about and blogged notes on the season 5 final results show for "So You Think You Can Dance"

Posted

Cheered

Got tired and went home

*Betty passed her emissions test with no trouble.

SYD Results Finale

Scroll to the bottom for the end result.

There was a group dance with the top 20, followed by a montage, which was followed up by another montage.

The seven judges get to pick their favorite routines from the season. Adam Shankman picks Nap and Tab’s hip-hop with Jeanine and Phillip to “Mad” by Ne-Yo. Nigel picks an Argentine tango with Janette and Brandon, which they dance to a “Forever Tango” soundtrack song. Debbie Allen chose a waltz danced by Asuka and Vitolio, who I hated. It was danced to an Enya song, making it even worse.

Come on, Debbie Allen. Your dance academy gave us Travis (season 2) and Danny (season 3), and this is what you give us?

Mary chooses Travis’s contemporary choreography for Jeanine and Jason. Mia picks a samba with Max and Kayla. There was a montage showing Kherrington (season 4)’s new version of “Fame.” Debbie Allen chose a group routine that the top 16 did. Lil’ C chooses “Jai Ho” Bollywood with Caitlin and Jason.

Cat tells the fourth person she’s cut: Kayla.

Kayla is better composed than any other SYD finalist I’ve seen. They give her a giant bouquet of flowers, but I think she deserved better than that, and better than fourth.

Adam gets to pick another dance, and he picks Evan and Randi’s butt dance by Mia. Mary chooses the paso doble with Jeanine and Brandon, which is a great choice.

Evan gets called out to join them, to learn that he’s in third place. My only regret there is that he got more votes than Kayla.

It’s between Brandon and Jeanine.

Nigel picks as one of his favorite moments “when Mary admitted to using Botox.” Mary scolds him. Nigel then picks Mia’s addiction routine with Kayla and Kupono. Finally, we see the addiction routine we all knew was coming.

Some boys dance. They range in age from like 4 to like 14, making them perfect for the twelve-year-old girls who watch this show.

Tyce chooses Brandon and Janette doing Doriana’s disco routine. Mia picks Tyce’s cancer.

The judges all participate in the top 8 dancers’ routine, and it’s so cute I have to laugh. Strutting their stuff and sticking out their shoulders – aww, Nigel, Mia, Mary, Tyce, Debbie Allen and Adam Shankman. (No Lil’ C, because as P.C. says “he doesn’t deserve to be there”).

And America’s favorite is Jeanine.

To recap, in order from fourth to first:

4 -- Kayla

3 -- Evan

2 -- Brandon

1 -- Jeanine


Huzzah, huzzah! America wins.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

SYD #12, finale

Cat’s hair looks lioness-like tonight, as it should. Melisser and Ade were eliminated last week – so America got it half right, I think.

The top four look lonely and small on that giant new egg-shaped stage. Jeanine combats the loneliness by wearing a bikini again.

Tonight, everyone will be dancing with everyone else.

Cat sounds thrilled to be there. Adam Shankman is the guest judge this week, and there are 3000 people in the SYD Thunderdome. Wow – even Mary’s screaming sounds/looks small in this place.

Nigel says this is “like the gunfight at the OK corral.” The top 4 are dancing to a Wade Robson routine. There are two jocks chasing two cheerleaders, and the cheerleaders “turn out to be way more than they can handle.” They’re dancing to a Lady Gaga song. Evan looks silly kissing his own lack of bicep. The girls do an excellent job of hamming up the “we’re crushing on you” vibe, then transition into mocking them seamlessly. Nice – sarcastic dancing.

The boys get their turn when they steal the girls’ pompoms and fake-cheer.

And in a move that makes me laugh out loud, startling others in the room, Jeanine (and Kayla, but she’s not as good, having not had as much practice) flashes her underwear.

It’s pink and sequined, and I think that sums up all that we’re about to see here.

Jeanine and Evan dance together first, making me wish it could be followed up by Evan’s solo and his dance with Kayla – just to get it all out of the way.

It’s a Sonya routine, where Jeanine doesn’t care about her lover Evan anymore. He seems actually frightened by Jeanine. It’s to the song “Heartbreaker” by MSTRKRFT (I think). As usual, Jeanine dances great, and Evan makes me feel she’s justified in kicking him. It’s not full of the usual weird motion Sonya’s routines have made common, though, and that’s good here, in the finale.

Adam says he “never saw Jeanine coming…I sort of underestimated you, and I can never forgive myself.” He says Evan is “the molehill that became the mountain, here.” Mary says Jeanine was great and Evan was “certainly no punching bag out there,” but her delivery is tepid. Nigel says Jeanine is strong and tomboyish, and that this is the “last time [he wants] to see [Evan] thrown around on the stage tonight.” He says the performance “showed just how strong Jeanine has become, both in technique and in personality.”

Brandon talks about his partnership with Janette, the conflict with Mia and his history with dance. He dances his solo, which is commanding, if not the tour de force last week’s was. He seems to have trouble using the front of the stage as well as the width of it. But he may win with the split he ends on.

Adam Shankman claps tepidly, but raves about the solo: “you’re like an extreme dancer – you’re a superathlete. It was a bit frantic out there, but you’re competing now.”

Mary says he’s “athletic, dynamic – you defy gravity at times.”

Nigel says he agrees with Mia about Brandon: “He is amazing.” He says the solo last week was amazing, and that this week’s has “wiped out the competition.”

Kayla and Brandon are dancing together next, and they’ve stolen Tyce from Evan. Finally…though I don’t like seeing them dance one of my least favorite of the popular dances. Oh, Broadway.

They dance to “Bye Bye Love” from the “All that Jazz” soundtrack, though Kayla looks like a dom and Brandon looks like he’s going to a disco. The prop is a medical examiner’s table, and Brandon “dies” at the end of a heart attack. It’s an entertaining routine, though WHY it’s entertaining is beyond me.

Adam Shankman jumps up and down and yells “ohhhh, that was so GOOD! I gotta be honest, you two were the ones I thought would [make it to the end]. Kayla, there’s nothing you can’t do! And Brandon, you are an animal out there! I don’t know how this is all gonna end up, but that was unreal.”

Mary yells “you guys are terrific, are you kidding me?!? Bye bye love? Bye bye happiness?? Nigel, I don’t think so, are you kidding me???”

Nigel says he’s never seen a guy and girl do pirouettes (of the kind they did) together before. He says of Tyce “you’re the only choreographer I know named after a cookie.” He says he thinks “the show is beginning now, thank you.”

Jeanine dances solo next. She’s interviewed before that, as usual, though Jeanine starts out by asking Cat a question. She loved to dance, but was bad at it when she was little. Jeanine mentions the Russian folk dance, and Cat asks “what the folk?” Jeanine says she was going to cry when she thought “I’m going out on stage wearing that??” Jeanine’s fave routine was the contemporary choreographed by Travis from season 2 and danced with Jason. She’s got a rose between her teeth for the solo, which is better choreographed than many, many contemporary routines.

Adam Shankman says “are you kidding?? Dude, that was a risky solo! OMG, you just killed it!! Jeanine? Jeanine? I am so happy for you! You are such a beautiful woman!...You don’t need that stupid plastic flower! What the hell, girl??”

Mary says “you have always been a standout, so never say never. I saw you coming, girl! You are peaking at exactly the right time. That solo was the best thing that you have done on this show, at the right place, at the right time, and everybody here knows it!”

Nigel says “so brave, such a brave solo – you don’t win the lottery if you don’t buy the ticket. Not only did you buy the ticket, you’re in the final two now as far as I’m concerned!”

Evan and Brandon dance a jazz routine choreographed by Laurieann Gibson to “Nasty Boys” by Janet Jackson. Frankly, I would rather see them dance to “Thriller” – and I think it would do Evan more favors. Brandon’s lines are much better than Evan’s, and not just because he’s taller (I don’t think he’s more than a cm taller, actually); Brandon’s also better at seeming “nasty.”

Adam says they’re at a crossroads, and that Evan “got a little dusted” – he takes time out to ask the audience to stop booing him and be nice again – because his “natural sweetness” got in the way. Brandon got “nasty and dirty,” he says.

Mary starts by asking Evan “what’s the nastiest thing you’ve ever done?” Cat reprimands her for asking in front of his grandparents, tells the grandparents to cover their ears, and asks Evan what it was. Evan says he doesn’t know, the list is so long.

Nigel says the choreographers say Evan’s “work ethic is absolutely beyond reproach – but there isn’t a nasty bone in your body.” Cat squeezes Evan’s cheeks, making him seem even more cutesie. Nigel says Brandon also “outdanced” Evan.

Kayla and Jeanine dance together in a Mia routine. It’s an orchestral score, and they’re both dressed as ballerinas, though they remove a layer of tutu with every advancement across the stage. To my surprise, I actually feel like Jeanine is sometimes outdancing Kayla, which surprises me, and is mostly the difference between their personalities, I think.

Adam says “that was like watching the world’s longest wardrobe malfunction” – but then he compliments Mia. He says “it was like watching two thoroughbreds racing – I just can’t say enough about how much I love you guys.”

Mary says “it was a very relevant concept tonight – shedding all those layers…and to make it this far, the layers kept peeling and peeling so all you’re really left with is your heart and soul.” She says they’re the two strongest women they’ve ever had in the finale.

Nigel says this was “a modern-day version of the seven veils – the routine didn’t go on long enough for me, frankly” – and Adam calls him on “wanting more layers and more layers.” He says he thinks Jeanine has peaked at the right time.

Evan gets interviewed and dances a solo to “The Best Is Yet to Come,” which ends in the middle of the chorus.

Adam says it was a variation on his audition, and that could be risky – either people would be crazy about it or think “I’ve seen that before.” Mary says he’s “excited millions in this country” and inspired them to dance Broadway. Nigel says “Do I think that you bring something special? Yes, I do. You have what I call ‘the ahh factor.’ Have you grown as much as I’d like in this series? No…Do I think that was as strong as I’ve seen Brandon dance tonight? Do I think that was as strong as I’ve seen Jeanine dance tonight, in their solos? No…”

Evan and Kayla dance a jive next, which I think will keep Evan, decisively, from winning – but it may also pull Kayla down into the bottom two, particularly after Jeanine’s solo. Kayla’s in country boots and they’re dancing to a Travis Tritt song, which is all I ever want to know about it. Evan thinks this is “the fastest jive ever,” but it seems slow and not bouncy enough for me.

Adam says he doesn’t think it was a finale-level routine, that it was “a very strong showing for you – the lift series was fantastic – I just didn’t feel it was competitive to me.”

Mary says the routine was phenomenal. Evan didn’t do very well, but Kayla “stole the show just now…I love every second that you’re on the stage.”

Nigel says “they both carried on with guns blazin’ in a great country and western jazz routine.” He says Kayla finally showed her personality, and if she’d been doing that all along, she would be “riding home right now” with the first-place win.

Kayla gets interviewed and does her solo. It’s probably too bad she didn’t hear about Nigel’s wish for her to show her personality before the interview, but she does a pretty good job telling about her wish to dance since she was two and her grandparents’ support. The addiction routine was her favorite. (It was probably mine, too, though the zombie mistress was pretty good.) She mixes it up by dancing to “Sweet Dreams” by Eurythmics. It’s fast, which is a good foil to her other contemporary routines, but she still lacks the choreography she needs to make 30 seconds work for her.

Adam says he wants to talk about the season more than the solo. He’s seen some of the best dancers he’s ever seen in his life on this show, including Travis (season 2) and Danny (season 3), and she’s one of the best. Mary says she’s wonderful, and Nigel says when judges are always talking up one person, the audience often decides not to vote for that one – and “thank goodness” Kayla is in the top 4 and eligible to be America’s favorite dancer for the season.

Jeanine and Brandon dance paso doble. Jeanine says “I’ve become good friends with the floor over this SYD process…and today we became even closer.” They’re dancing to a song from “Matrix Revolutions,” which is an interesting and at times captivating choice. There’s no red in their costumes, either, only black, but the background glows red. The last second has Brandon clutch Jeanine’s up-stretched (pretend that’s a word) wrist and Jeanine falling limp.

Adam says they pulled it off because they kept every moment between moves strong, keeping the transitions. Mary screams, says some stuff, and screams again, this time pointing at the choreographer and then harassing Nigel with her screaming. Nigel screams back at Mary, and says “you really did carry it off.” Then Nigel went into his old-man-lecher routine a bit, but pulled it out and said “you are just inching the other two out, just this much [holds up his two fingers pinching close], and good luck to you!”

Tomorrow night is the final elimination. I’ll likely be watching and blogging, so watch it yourself and weigh in.

Accusations XI

Lady from the commercial for no-wedgie lady's underwear:

So your friend picked a wedgie, discreetly, in public.

And your tactful response was to blurt out, again in public, a horrified questioning of that choice, drawing attention to something it seemed to be your argument should not have been done in public at all.

And then you pulled out a package of ladies' underwear, which you presented to your friend, again in public.

And then you insisted that the friend give back the underwear, because it was yours, not hers.

I don't think there's any question of who is the worse friend and the less tactful person.

But just in case you didn't figure it out, it's you, lady.

It's you.

PSA: Sesame Street Fever

In our peregrinations, P.C. and I have been visiting every area Goodwill. While I look at furniture (I need another dresser for Waltham, a coffee table, and, perennially, bookshelves), P.C. generally searches the old records for gems.

Recently, he found one: "Sesame Street Fever," the disco album you've been waiting for.

He's busy making it into an mp3, and if I can figure out how to get it to you, I will.

Rest assured, in the meantime, that it does include the song (discoized) "C Is for Cookie."

Local Trivia: Book Barn is awesome.

Check it out.

If you're here for a visit, I'll drive you down. Then we'll walk the Niantic boardwalk.

For free.

Local Trivia: The old man and the sea

P.C. and I drove down to the shore yesterday, to one of my favorite beaches, Rocky Neck. We'd left in midafternoon and stopped at the Middletown Goodwill on the way, so by the time we pulled up to the little kiosk where we'd pay for parking, it was 6 p.m. The park closes at 8.

Parking costs $5. I had no cash at all. P.C. had $4 and managed to scrounge 45 cents out of the various places change might be secreted in a car.

"Is $4.45 okay?" P.C. asked the old man in the kiosk.

"No," the man said matter-of-factly and with what P.C. described as the glimmer of a smile. "There's an ATM across the street."

I think it should be obvious to anyone reading that we did not go to the ATM or return to pay that man the $.55 balance. Instead, we went right down the street to the Niantic boardwalk, which has free parking, benches (we ate our packed picnic dinner at one), and less crowding than Rocky Neck typically has. We had a great time.

So here's my complaint, which I suppose can't just be "an old man was stingy about money" -- that seems like a cliche if it's not one: State parks such as Rocky Neck need to be maintained, true. And that costs money -- true again.

But our parking in a spot that was inevitably empty at two-hours-to-close on a Tuesday evening wouldn't necessitate them repainting lines or putting out new asphalt. In fact, there would be no additional charges associated with letting us into the park. We were obviously making a good-faith effort to pay the parking fee, and we were half a candy-bar's worth of money short.

So, state park system of Connecticut, here's my proposal: If it's a Tuesday at 6 p.m. and the park is going to be open for another two hours, accepting four dollars and forty-five cents for no additional work on your part (or on anyone's part) is much, much smarter than accepting no dollars, no cents, and pissing people off.

But don't expect me to come back and try to teach you this lesson personally, because I'm already pissed off.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Local Trivia: Black belt in fighting, yellow belt in grammar.

Sign in the window of a karate studio in Bristol, CT:
"Mom's LOVE our after school classes!"

Saturday, August 1, 2009

PSA: A long time ago, we used to be friends.

Name the show with these lyrics in its theme, and I'll send you a copy of season 2.

Don't guess if you don't need the TV, though -- you'll ruin it for the other two CU readers.

(Jenny D. fans, if you want the prize, get Jenny to give you my email address, and send me your name and address.)

Confessions XL

I never did the following things that little girls are supposed to do: want a pony, plan a “dream wedding,” enjoy wearing dresses after 4 years old, keep up with any fashion styles (until I was 22 – and then they were Chinese fashions).

I never considered myself a tomboy, but I did enjoy the following activities as a kid: picking up worms, bullfrogs, salamanders and especially snakes; riding bikes with my brother; garden-work in general, and getting paid for it in particular; playing kickball in the backyard with infinite “ghost men” and only Ty to play with; sleeping outside on a “bed” of sticks I’d made myself.

Still, I loved the following “girlie” movies in their times: Beauty and the Beast (Disney), Tarzan (Disney), Thumbelina (animated), While You Were Sleeping, Ever After, When Harry Met Sally, Pride and Prejudice (long version), Wives and Daughters (long version), Love Actually.